This episodes is about about the scumbags: the worst uniforms in sports, some Jerry Sandusky, and the hoards of information Google and Facebook have compiled about our once-private lives. The lesson? Embrace it. Screw the haters.
HofTalk Episode #011: Intellectual, Maybe. But Still Far From Civilized.
HofTalk Episode #011: Intellectual, Maybe. But Still Far From Civilized. [ 1:03:58 ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (83)Jump and the net will appear. Zach and I go through a winding road of pseduo-intellectual conversation. Almost no sports this week. Nothing intriguing out there, really. We discuss everything from nu metal to hipsters to fluffing your dick for its internet debut to calculus to flow to destiny and beyond. It was fun to take the gloves off on this one. Enjoy fans!
HofTalk Episode #010: Leaner, Meaner, and (as always) Two Big Fat Weiners
Linsanity, today’s meme culture, the NBA trade market and the myth of the big market, NFL withdrawal and the rise of the Combine, HandiSnacks vs. Dunkaroos, Kelly Kapowski vs. Clarissa Darling, what’s going on in LA and ATL this weekend.
Videos of the Week: Real Talk
The theme of this week’s videos is REAL TALK – the messages are communicated in some pretty freakin’ hilarious ways, but the inspiration for this shit is REAL. They often say what makes comedians special (and humorous) is their ability to present us everyday ideas through a perspective we’ve never viewed them through before. They make us laugh with the wild analogies and connections they see that others don’t. Of course, this keen power of observation is often fueled by illicit substances, but hey, their intentions are pure and sometimes shit’s gotta get weird before it all makes sense. Our featured videos run the full gamut here: from snotty 20 year olds who won’t do their jobs to ugly girls masquerading around your local bars and ending on a powerful and uplifting message from the Hip Hop Preacher. Enjoy.
1. Louis CK – 20 Year Olds and Jobs
Goddammit Louie, you Hungarian Ginger Bitch. Just kidding, I love you. But seriously! You’re a comedian! Don’t tell me how to live my life. You don’t know how it is out there. He does make some damn good points about having perspective when you’re in your 20′s and hate your fucking job because it’s not awesome and you miss college and you’re getting paid nothing to do thankless bullshit all day – renting cars, selling internet, reworking Powerpoints for 10 hours a day, or working in a phone center for pre-paid legal service taking calls from people who think the legal system is equivalent to a fucking lottery ticket – and these are just some jobs that either my friends or myself have all worked in the last few years. But I guess you’re right and we should just settle for gutting it out our 40 hours and resorting to chasing booze and tail on the weekends until someone arbitrarily determines that we’ve accomplished something and now have the skills to do a job that’s mildly interesting and earn a sufficient paycheck. Oh well…I’ll figure out how to break free of The Man’s clutches eventually. Louie makes a solid point about Facebook though – I think the only motivation people have for doing anything these days is just to put a picture of it on their Facebook profile. If we were half the people we present ourselves to be on our Facebook profiles, we wouldn’t have time for fucking Facebook. Read more
Category: Comedy, Videos of the Week |
Tags: bill burr, explosions in the sky, facebook, inspiration, louis ck, social media, twitter
Love and Basketball, and Hollywood: A Self-Examination
Woody Harrelson in the cult classic, "White Men Can't Jump"
I’m an easy man to manipulate. It’s why I’m an actor, really; I can typically be directed without much protest. Hollywood knows this about me. Hollywood told me to stick with LOST after the second season (no regrets), told me to watch Avatar in 3D (nothing but regrets), and Hollywood told me to move to Hollywood (jury’s still out). I’m constantly pissed at this town. Like whenever I walk into an audition room that’s filled with 30 dudes that look just like me and are actually me-er than me or just observing the dress code out here[1], but then a homeless 21-year-old girl will offer to play me a mandolin song for a churro and I get happy again. Having said that, although it treats me like a newborn Chinese girl, Los Angeles is still one of two entities that have me firmly by the heart balls.
The other one is the NBA. Read more
HofTalk Episode #009: Experimentation in Ménage à Trois
Three-man show with Zach and Nat Estes. Lots of Tebow and screaming this week. Frozen burritos, private label food, and their effect on one’s digestive system are discussed. Game-by-game breakdown of the Divisional round of the NFL plays. NBA and Blake Griffin.
HofBag: Your Weekly Dose of Fun and Knowledge
Who doesn’t love a good mailbag? Send in your questions and receive worldly advice to guide you along the path of life and fill your Talkbank (like a Spankbank, but used for good ole fashioned social discourse) with fun factoids and rousing conversation starters. Submit your questions in the comments section below, on Twitter (@HofTalk), or via email here (hoftalk@gmail.com) and tune in next week to see what you can learn. Follow the jump to get started. Here. We. Go. Read more
Category: Mailbag, Potty Humor, Random Musings, sports |
Tags: alec baldwin, flight attendants, humor, jerry sandusky, mailbag, pan am, poop
HofTalk Episode #008: Tank Tops and Wantrepreneurialism
Kane Sutphin is back and updating us on his ventures in Austin, TX and his new employer, Treehouse, a homestore that sells exclusively Green/Sustainable products. We discuss the entrepreneurial spirit and overcoming the self-doubt and other obstacles that stand between what we’re hoping to achieve and where we are today.
Category: Podcasts |
Tags: andrew hofheimer, entrepreneur, entreprenurial, green, hoftalk, kane sutphin, sustainable, treehouse
HofTalk Episode #007: Born on a Bayou
This week, Dustin Alonzo, otherwise known as “the white Weezy”, “DJ D”, or “King Coonass”, joins us on HofTalk. We discuss our run-ins with the dregs of society, Trader Joe’s and the flatulent burritos they sell, Tim Ferris, 80/20 rule, Tyrann Mathieu (Honey Badger), World Series, Malcolm Gladwell, Corrine Brown, New Orleans, new rap stars, fall cocktails, Bill Clinton’s diddling habits, online marketing, NFL Week 7 betting lines, and the massacre of the exotic animals zoo. What a show…
How to Get Started with Stand Up Comedy
Source: getthebigpicture.net
As a kid in 1990′s and 2000′s, watching music videos on MTV was not only a major past time, it probably had a lot of influence on your formative years. At some point, you might have branched out beyond J-Lo and *NSYNC and discovered the wealth of other good TV to watch and bring back to the homies. Let’s be honest, when you’re that age you don’t have shit to say, much less anything funny/original, so quoting South Park and stand up comedy is a big part of the middle school routine. Once I started staying up late and developing a taste for the edgy and profane sides of life, Comedy Central became a major go-to channel and that’s when my love and admiration of stand up comedy really took off. What is it that’s so captivating about a stand up comedian? Well, all girls love a guy that can make them laugh and they obviously have massive balls to crack jokes in front of that many people. But what beyond that? Because it’s a strange breed of performance art when you think about it – one guy, alone on a stage, having a one-sided conversation and imposing his viewpoint and all the crazy shit swirling around the toilet bowl of his twisted mind onto a defenseless audience. Yet somehow, it’s extremely intimate and endearing – to see someone so naked (hopefully just metaphorically; comics are not known for Adonis-esque features) and sharing themselves without fear of judgement, pouring out their shortcomings, their frustrations, and their skewed perceptions of the world all so that we can laugh with them.
It’s a liberation most people only dream of, but let me tell you, there is something insanely empowering about standing up there, bearing it all, and connecting with your audience. Hell, the laughs are pretty nice too. I always dreamed about what it would be like to do stand up and as you get older, you realize that all of these dreams require a first step – and those usually suck the most. In the stand up world, that means doing an open mic night and getting your first laughs. For anyone else out there aspiring to have their first 5 minutes at the spotlight, here’s how I did it… Read more
HofTalk Episode #006: A New Era
Zach Kanner and I discuss all the goings-on in the NFL including the rise of Cam Newton, the return of Godchild Timmy Tebow, and the mysterious juggernaut that is the suddenly unflaccid Detriot Lions. We also discuss the passing of Steve Jobs and Zach premiers his new segment “SportsCast”, where he casts various sports stars into roles in his imaginary movies.
Mumford & Sons will Tear you a New A-Hole
This song kicks so much ass, it hurts. So many elements to this tune, “Sigh No More”, yet at the same time, it’s so coherent. Fun Fact: the concluding refrain, “Love it will not betray you, dismay or enslave you, it will set you free. Make you more like the man you were made to be” is taken from none other than William Shakespeare. Who knew that a bunch of British blokes could make better bluegrass music than almost anyone else in the USA…
HofTalk Episode #005: Return of the HofTalk
Zach and I are back at it after somewhat of a hiatus. He’s like 70 cups of Yerba Mate deep on this show…wildly entertainingly. We talk some NFL, some standup comedy, and a little bit of everything else.
Zach Kanner’s NBA Finals Take
Editor’s Note: Zach emailed this to me before Simmon’s article came out. Though he admires BS and would probably make out with BS if he saw him in a bar and was mildly hammered, he assures his thought and voice are his own.
As the clock drained on Game 6 of the 2011 NBA Finals, as the now-undeniably-great Dirk Nowitzki darted off the Miami floor dripping with emotion, as the entire country jumped in celebration except for one dim spot in South Beach, a strange mix of relief, gratitude, and joy was felt. Well, by me. It felt like a giant bullet was dodged. Like if the Heat won, it would go against everything I’d ever been taught about building a team and investing time and patience to achieve greatness. If the Heat won, it would have affirmed the iGeneration, instant gratification, tweet-your-wiener-faster-than-you-can-announce-your-candidacy attitude we’ve created for ourselves. Personally, that notion makes me die a bit inside. It would have been a game changer, a total paradigm shift for basketball. If the Heat win, the Kardashians win.
But the Heat didn’t win. A Dallas team comprised of elder tribesman pulled off the perfect fairy tale ending to the most exciting NBA season since the Jordan days. Why were the 2011 Finals so bitchin’? I’ll give you three reasons:
1. Rematch. The 2006 Finals ended in controversy and heartbreak for Dirk and the Mavs. After having had a 2-0 series lead against D-Wade and Shaq’s Heat, Wade initiated a massive game 3 comeback that took the wind out of the Squirmin’ German (I coined that shit) and his band. The rest of the series was plagued with phantom calls against the Mavs, leading to Wade taking trips to the line like a drunk to a urinal. The Heat won, and the Mavs were left to year after year of premature playoff exits. Five years later, the teams meet again as America’s Mavs vs. the Miami Heels. Rocky III has nothing on this series.
HofTalk Episode #003: Lebron James, the Hot Girl Who Breaks Your Heart
Zach Kanner is back for this one. We discuss: NBA finals, the Heat, Lebron James – the hot girl who breaks your heart, Yerba Mate, standup comedy, misadventures from the younger years.
HofTalk Episode #002: Superpower Bracketology
Atlanta/Buckhead conquistador Kane Sutphin joins me this week. We discuss “Dad Strength”, Atlanta late night scene, Peet’s coffee, Spring mating season, the fiscal irresponsibility of NFL players, the decline of baseball, the decline of human interaction thanks to social media/smartphones, debating the best superpower, Stay at home dads (STaD’s), the War of Art, Jack Kerouac, fear of failure as motivation.
Category: Comedy, Podcasts, sports |
Tags: chad ochocinco, dad strength, dan uggla, fucking season, hipsters, iphones, jack kerouac, jerry rice, mancaves, nfl lockout, right at your door, stay at home dads, superpowers, technology, The war of art, tom brady
HofTalk Episode #001: Inception
The inaugural episode with muse Zach Kanner. We discuss the struggles of the Jacksonville Jaguars and who’s most likely to move to LA, the NBA playoffs and beautiful storylines therein, the NFL lockout, foodtrucks, the untimely passing of Randy “Macho Man” savage, moving to a big city after college, and future directions of HofTalk.
Category: Podcasts |
Tags: food trucks, jaguars, los angeles, nba playoffs, nfl lockout, randy "macho man" savage, rapture
Sweet Logos
Well, at least the camel’s gone. But we need a logo, some branding, some pizazz (the catcher for the Dodgers? No.) – if you happen to have any design experience or you tap into the muse and create something cool out of thin air, I’d be infinitely grateful. And by that, I mean I will buy you a case of your favorite beer. Email me at HofTalk@gmail.com.
Category: Uncategorized |
Sorry, No Time for Strangers.
In the history of mankind, this scenario has happened exactly 11 times. (Source: donaldrobichaud.blogspot.com)
Sun shining, doors and windows open, blasting techno, sippin’ joe, and locked into the moment. Goddamn, it’s nice to have Fridays off. This thoughtdump comes courtesy of financial whiz kid, Chris SekBrim (name changed to protect identity), who has been handpicked to select the flow topik for this post and that is: Rude People in Elevators.
Chris and I were talking last night about how weird and frustrating it is when people are too “busy” or too shut off or too perturbed, perhaps, by a stranger addressing them with seemingly no motive other than to be friendly. And wouldn’t you know it, he was snubbed in the elevator the very next morning.
Category: Uncategorized |
Gaza Strip
By the way…this gawking camel is not here to stay. The formatting will be changing a lot in the first few days. REMAIN CALM. ALL IS WELL.
Category: Uncategorized |
It just got real…
The pieces are in place.
It started with nothing good goin’ on for lunch, so I said, “fuck it…I’ll check out some hardware for this crazy podcast idea”. Well, the power of momentum is a beautiful thing. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t owe it all to Steven Pressfield and The War of Art – this book has changed my life, if only by making me realize when I’m holding myself back from doing the things I really want to do.
Bought the headphones. Bought the domain. Bought the hosting. Put the blog infrastructure up. Bought a microphone. I’m invested – and at this point, it’s real. It’s not just a crazy idea that never materialized anymore – the tools are all right here. And if it fails, that falls on me. Buy the ticket, take the ride.
Mark your calendars for late May – that’s right, MARK ‘EM. The first podcast (Oddcast? Hofcast?) will be here before you know it. Go ahead and book off everything between 1:40pm on May 14th through 4:57am May 29th. If something comes up, FUCKING CANCEL IT. Or reply “Tentative”, if you’re an Outlooker.
My first guest will be the man, the legend, my inspiration – Zach Kanner: talkin’ that west coast jive, some Bill Simmons, and what it’s like to play tummysticks with Hollywood’s finest.
- Hof
Category: Random Musings |
Take Two
My first post was a turd. So it went where turds go – in my roommate’s shower.
My first post turned into some gay letter about inspiration and all that. That’s not what this is about. This isn’t some Tony Robbins type shit. We’ll get into the deep dialogue when the situation calls for it.
So what’s this site/blog/podcast going to be? Whoa, there. Who said we were doing a podcast? Well, that’s actually what brought this all about…
This site is simple – two parts. A blog. And a podcast. The podcast will be the steak; the blog, the potatoes, naturally. Zach Kanner has to get mentioned here because he was the one that called me (minutes before the Jags traded up to draft Blaine Gabbert, which cut the convo short) and said I needed to host a podcast. I think he’s right.
Not because of me. But because of all the crazy muddahs I know out there, who like to talk sports and are doing cool shit with their lives. That’s what I want it to be about…talk some sports and then see where the hell the conversation winds up.
Now is actually a pretty cool time, in my opinion, because instead of everyone coasting into a high-paying, swanky I-Banker/Real Estate/conventional job, a lot of us realized that it takes heart and hustle if we wanna make something out of ourselves. I know a lot of guys who are on a path right now they never thought they’d be on, but when they think about it, they realize somehow they ended up where they should be. Being on the right path doesn’t necessarily mean you’re already honed in on your target (I’m sure as hell not), but it means you’re trying and hopefully building some character. I thought life would be A LOT easier than this, but I don’t think I’d change it.
A note to ALL ‘A YOUS: you don’t know this yet, but you’ll eventually be a guest on my podcast. Stay tuned and keep doin’ work.
- Hof
Category: Uncategorized |
